Day 90: Pushing Through Uncertainty and Fatigue

Morning Fog and Mental Noise

Day 90 fell on a Thursday, marking not only the end of my week but also the conclusion of this particular working week, and the morning started in a very strange way. I woke up feeling tired and mentally scattered, as if my brain had been perplexed overnight. It was around five in the morning, the world still wrapped in slumber, and I honestly felt lost in a fog of uncertainty. I did not know exactly where I was going or what direction I wanted to take. My mind was full of noise, questions swirling like leaves caught in a brisk wind, alongside unfinished thoughts that lingered from previous days.

I found myself hungry, low on energy, and short on time, a trifecta that made it difficult to focus. I barely had space to work on my blog, which I had dedicated some time to, but even then, I only managed to scratch the surface, finishing a small part that felt far from complete. Still, in all the chaos, I made sure to start the day properly with the right nutrition. When I woke up, I had a solid meal, and took my supplements, Omega three, D3 K2, creatine, zinc, vitamin C, and collagen. That routine, even when everything else feels unstable, provides me with some structure amidst the unpredictability of life.

Decision Making and Training Focus

Originally, Thursdays typically involve my usual MMA training sessions and wrestling drills, but today, I made a conscious decision to change things up and to focus differently. With my goals shifting somewhat, I chose boxing instead. My long-term aspiration now includes participating in a boxing tournament, which adds a layer of urgency to my training. I know that my biggest weakness in MMA has always been jiu jitsu, particularly submissions and ground technique, which means I have to work harder to bridge that gap in my skills. So the plan became clear in my head: boxing first, then jiu jitsu if time and energy allow.

Boxing Session Intensity and Pain

The boxing session ran from seven to nine, a solid two hours of intense physical labor. We started with a demanding warm-up that involved a lot of running and full-body movement, working muscles I often forget I even had. The coach pushed us to run fast, and I noticed that I was one of the few who could really keep that pace; this realization gave me a confidence boost. Stamina, I reminded myself, is one of my strongest assets in training.

After the warm-up, we moved into skipping rope and shadowboxing, two activities that really challenge both my endurance and coordination. I decided to focus heavily on the L step during shadowboxing, trying to master it while also adding new variations during rope skipping. I am slowly improving my coordination and rhythm, even when fatigue starts to settle in and creep around the edges of my focus.

Then came the full gear: gloves, mouthpiece, and head guard. I partnered with different training partners; different sizes, heights, and experience levels; all presenting a unique challenge. That variety is always mentally and physically demanding, but it forces adaptation and resilience. I noticed that my feints are improving, but I also became aware of a clear mistake I’ve been making: I stay too close during exchanges sometimes. I need to maintain my distance, strike, and retreat strategically. I tried using the L step to fake a retreat and then step back in for counters, a tactic I hope to refine as I practice more.

During one exchange, I injured my right thumb badly. The pain was sharp and intense, almost unbearable, that moment becoming a focal point of my training. I stopped immediately, took off my gloves, and ran cold water over it, my breath hitching at the sensation. I rested for about five minutes, evaluating whether I could continue, before deciding the mild pain was bearable and manageable. This minor injury, though it felt significant, was not the end of my practice.

Despite the injury, I noticed something important and somewhat reassuring. Most people around me were visibly running out of breath, yet I was not. My endurance held strong, and that reassured me that my conditioning work is paying off, each drop of sweat a testament to my hours spent grinding in training.

Core Work and Mental Toughness

After sparring, we moved into core exercises, which were brutal, especially considering my thumb still hurt. Every movement required extreme focus and mental control. I pushed through the agony and reminded myself that discomfort is temporary, but the progress and improvement undeniably remain long after a workout is finished.

Once the boxing session ended, I immediately consumed my whey protein and creatine shake, savoring the taste as a reward for my hard work. At that point, I was already exhausted and had fully planned to leave and recuperate at home.

Unexpected Jiu Jitsu Commitment

Just as I was about to go, the jiu jitsu coach arrived. I had my gi with me, prepared in case an opportunity arose, and he asked me directly if I wanted to stay and train. My body said no, tired from the boxing, but my mindset challenged me to say yes. I battled with myself internally, thinking to stop overthinking and just commit to the experience.

I initially planned for one hour of jiu jitsu. However, it turned into two full hours of intense grappling and learning.

We started again with a full warm-up, which was as taxing as before, involving running, stretching, and mobility work for the neck, arms, legs, and back. After feeling limber, it was time for sparring. Thursdays are heavy sparring days, and there were many partners to work with, each bringing something different to the mat.

I sparred with several people and, disappointingly, lost all of my matches. But I did not feel defeated; instead, I felt a sense of growth. I learned techniques I had never seen before. Details in grips, transitions, and control positions became clearer and more defined. Losses on the mat are lessons, not failures; they are opportunities for growth to be leveraged in future training.

By the end of the fourth hour of total training, my body was completely drained, every muscle screaming for respite. I stayed a bit longer to stretch and calm my breathing before heading home, reflecting on the rewarding but taxing day.

Night Reflection and Shutdown

When I finally got home, all I could think about was showering, eating whatever I could find, and collapsing into bed, a sentiment that resonates deeply after a long day of rigorous training. The fatigue was deep, almost primal, but it was honest fatigue. It was the kind that comes from sheer effort and dedication, not from indulgences or excuses.

Day 90 was messy, painfully exhausting, and filled with hard-fought learning experiences. Yet, it was real, and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.

Day 90 Lesson

Today reminded me that clarity does not always come before action. Sometimes, in the face of uncertainty, you simply have to act first, and clarity follows through persistent effort. Even when the body is tired and the mind feels lost in a fog like this morning's, showing up still matters; it matters immensely in the grand scheme of development and growth.

Day 90 complete. The body hurts, the mind learns, and the grind continues relentlessly.

👉 How do you decide when to push through fatigue and when to step back for recovery and reflection?